Marriage and Kids?!? ...why ruin my life?

While growing up, I never talked much about getting married or having kids. Occasionally, I would talk about what it would be like having kids but I NEVER pictured my life with a spouse or children. I never had a plan or idea of what my wedding would be like because I never thought I would get married. Ever. I pretended so I could fit in but in my mind's eye, nothing seemed to add up the way it added up for all of my friends.

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My name is Angel...not Anger.

Rage and Anger Today, I am struggling with anger.  Something with which my Mom has said I have always struggled.  I am angry that in true Adams fashion, we have swept so many things under the rug that I may never know why I've been angry for so long.  Sure, I can pin point certain instances and situations that foster anger but what happened when I was so very young can only be speculated.

Today, I am angry at my job.  I am grateful that I even have one but after working there for 13 years, it is on it's last leg and we've been in talks of closing down for good.  I'm angry about watching my team work diligently to keep things alive and feeling like they will never be compensated for their loyalty and effort.  I'm angry about the stress that it has dropped on our COO, my brother in law.  I am angry about the stress it has dropped on my spouse.  I'm angry.

I'm angry for being so scatterbrained.  I'm angry for trusting the wrong people.  I'm angry for having to be patient.

I'm angry because my songs still sit on paper. I'm angry because I am not confident to do things myself. I'm angry because I have to rely on people.

Relationships, family, home, petty petty things...

I am angry.

I Play Sudoku.

I have tried typing my name a few times today...just working on different projects...and each time I accidentally typed Anger instead of Angel.

I figured that I needed to get some of the infection out so...I write.